Three Things

[krikketgirl]

1) Doctors' offices should contain a notice in the waiting room that indicates whether or not there are magazines also available in the exam rooms. Instead, one either clutches desperately at an outdated magazine featuring articles about how to cook shrimp, only to discover that there is a wealth of cooking information in magazines already in the exam rooms, or one nonchalantly leaves the shrimp issue unexplored, only to discover that the exam room is bare. I spent a good thirty minutes yesterday fighting the urge to construct a monolith from tongue depressors and boxes of nitrile gloves.

2) Doctors' offices make me uncertain. The nurses always ask, to begin with, "And how are you today?" I know it's just conversational pleasantry, but honestly--I wouldn't be at the doctor's office unless I was feeling crummy. So do I take the inaccurate-but-pleasant route of "Well, I'm okay," and run the risk of the nurse thinking I'm shamming illness in a desire to check out their back editions of magazines no longer in print? Or do I confess, "Well, I feel like an elephant trampled my face and I'm hoping you'll prescribe medicine accordingly"? It's accurate, but seems impolite.

And then the doctor comes in and starts massaging where I imagine my lymph nodes to be in my throat, and asks, "Is that tender?" Well, I don't know. Because usually no one is massaging my throat when I'm feeling well, so I don't know how it normally feels. I just feel that I'm making a bad impression on my doctor. And I'm already sick, you know, so it's not like I'm at my best and brightest anyway.

3)I love how grade-school children all seem to imagine that I always dress and prepare myself for the day in a completely-darkened room, and thus have no idea of how my features look. For example, I have a biggish silver streak in my hair up near the front. It's been there for years. I like to imagine it makes me look like I might be a superhero after school hours. Library Girl! Fighting Dewey Disorder Everywhere!

But yesterday, a second-grader said, "Mrs. Rowland? You have a big white piece in your hair. Right HERE." Seriously. Do I look that much like I dressed in the dark?

Addendum A: I have a sinus infection and some lovely antibiotics to take for the next two weeks.

Addendum 11.1: Shameless plug for my other blog, which can be connected to via LJ here: krikketgirlx.

Comments

[chestnutcurls.livejournal.com]

I have similar issues at doctors' offices. Sorry you're feeling bad!

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

Feeling much better now. Thanks!

[bluiidmommy.livejournal.com]

Aw, kids. It's never boring around them!

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

They're a hoot!

[purplepinklily.livejournal.com]

Lol

[lorelei-n.livejournal.com]

This cracked me up. I totally get the magazine thing, but a part of me hates handling them in fear of catching something I don't already have. Sometimes I bring a Good News I haven't read and leave it behind when I leave. :)

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

I always intend to plan ahead and bring something, but I never manage to do that. Me with a stack of magazines inches thick that I keep meaning to read!

[arrowedumbrella.livejournal.com]

I sympathize with not knowing what to say. Communication with doctors is a funny thing. Some years ago, I used to prepare for visits to a doctor by looking up my symptoms online and then mimicking the vocabulary on the sites listing ailments that seemed most like mine. This was so that I could rely on their jargon instead of trying to come up with elaborately accurate descriptions that only seemed to confuse the doctor... And it's really true that doctors have jargon. Words like "sharp", "dull", and "tender" are common words, but when doctors use them, they expect patients to hear a particular meaning, even though they do not often explain that meaning.

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

It's just like math class for me...I have to tell myself, "This is code for this."

[bojojoti.livejournal.com]

I have totally been in the same position of deciding whether to take last year's Running or Golf with me (seriously, could we not order a magazine with wider appeal for the masses?) from the mass waiting room--thereby denying others the opportunity to improve upon their golf swing--or take the chance I will have something to read when once in the single waiting room (we call it an exam room, but one spends more time there waiting than being examined).

[krikketgirl.livejournal.com]

And then if you're caught alphabetizing the contents of cupboards, everyone looks at you like YOU'RE weird.