Laughing Anyway

I'm a generally happy person, which is weird because I'm also a huge worrier. Go figure. Every once in a while, when I'm feeling rather 'up' and I'm laughing and getting other people to laugh, I remember the Jean Kerr quote, "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, it's just possible you haven't grasped the situation." Sometimes, I wonder whether I shouldn't be more solemn. Is it appropriate to have joy when the situation looks somber?

And then I remember a story I once read about people needing comedy during war time in the U.S., how they would flock to comic movies to relieve the stress of worrying and waiting and fearing. Perhaps, then, it isn't so important what the situation is, or how I feel about it. Perhaps part of my purpose is to be that comic or happy relief.

When every face you see is worried and tense--even when it's justifiable--it weighs one down. Sometimes, you need a smile to break through and remind you that there are things worth doing, that there are better things coming, even if they're a long way off.

It's easy to get sucked into feeling like I have a right to have bad moods and grumpiness. But what does that really get me? It doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make anyone else feel better. It just adds to the stew of sadness. Sometimes, it's good to disconnect what I do from what I'm feeling. Sometimes, you have to paste that smile on and trust that it will get more and more genuine as you exercise your right to choose how you act on your emotions.

In other words, when it rains, it takes just as much energy to splash through the puddles with joy as it does to stomp with frustration.

Two Cokes and a Lot of Smiles

I had such a good day today, which made me feel so much better. For one thing, the kids were awesome all day--just good, good classes who were enjoying the lessons I was doing. It's so fun when the kids get really into the lesson and I look up and I'm like, "Whoa! Class is over! It's already time to go!"

A third-grader brought me a cookie today (often, when kids bring in birthday treats, they will come around to the specials teachers). She was so sweet! She said, "I wanted you to have one." She brought it in during my first grade class, though, and I thought I might have to hold them back with a chair. My cookie! Not yours, mine!

And then I took a bite and it was one of those really crumbly frosted ones, so I inhaled a couple of crumbs. I tried to wash them down with a big swig of Cherry Coke (don't judge!), only I leaned my head back too far and experienced the exhilaration of carbonation in the ol' sinuses.

My life is pretty glamorous.