Jan. 26th, 2011

krikketgirl: (Rural)
I haven't been posting much because I haven't felt like posting much. Most of that has been because I've--quite honestly--been feeling pretty sorry for myself lately. This move thing has been really weighing me down. With everything so stretched out and no permanent base of operations established in Cincinnati, the whole thing feels like some weird dream where I'm going to wake up and try to find some symbolism in it ("Cincinnati? Hm. It starts with 'C'. Maybe it means I should eat more cake!").

So I think there has been a certain amount of emotion that comes from the upheaval and uncertainty of right now. It's hard to move--you pack your most-treasured things first, because they're the things you don't need. Before, I had a place we were going to, but now my treasures are going to a storage unit for the indefinite future. I'm gone, but not gone. I'm leaving, but I'm still here.

However, it's time to be done with the sorry-for-myself. There is so much here that I will miss. But the God that brought me to this pleasant place, the God who brought me an incredible husband and has blessed me with children and home and purpose, will not suddenly decide that He doesn't care about me anymore. He has not forgotten me!

So whether my heart thinks so or not, I am changing my modus operandi. Things are sad, but not tragic. This time is stressful, but not the end of the world. I need to do the next right thing, take a step at a time, and wrap up the things that are ending without unnecessary bellyaching.


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